Penny Dreadful

Penny Dreadful
 
is okay. It's mediocre. It's on par. Comme ci comme ca.
It's not the worst movie of the
Eight Films to Die For series. It's definitely not the best. Instead of using all of these adjectives to describe how the film succeeds in releasing a forgettable slasher, how about I go in depth?

The movie's plot is about a girl and her psychiatrist going back to the spot where her family crashed their car and where her parents died. She's an 18 year old girl wanting to conquer her fears of cars. The only way to do that is to revisit the spot. Yet a hitchhiker gets in their way of things, because on the way to the spot they clip her with the car and think it's only fair to give her a ride to Onyx Camp. And the hitchhiker is definitely what you think she is.

I came to be annoyed by Penny REALLY fast. I know, she had a traumatic experience. But that doesn't mean she's stupid. Or clumsy. This girl can't stay on her feet. She trips and sprains her ankle while trying to flee the camp with her psychiatrist friend after dropping off the hitchhiker. She pops one too many sleeping pills all the time. She cries through about 3/4 of the movie. And this is our main character/protagonist! If we're expected to want her to survive, we should actually like her a little bit. Instead, she gets old fast and becomes incredibly annoying.

At least about halfway through, we are introduced to some different characters, flat characters at that, who were probably thrown in there for the kill count. They don't amount to anything, and when they die we could care less.

What are we left with? Basically a killer who we barely see, Mimi Rogers dead in the car, and Penny, an annoying, whiney college girl who's stuck in the car because it's pinned against some trees.

Rants?

1. Kick the damn back window out. She finally got the point after fettering with the side windows and doors, but still. If you ever want to get out alive, you have to use your head. I know it's all for the sake of the movie, but the audience isn't stupid.

2. The cell phone is obviously not going to work in this secluded, woody area. And you're on a mountain. So turn it off and let the battery live.

3. Except for a few curse words, a couple nipples, and a scene of violence, this could have been a PG-13 movie. Plus, we don't even care about anyone.

4. The movie is SO SLOW. I got bored halfway through. Nothing happens for half the movie. No one dies, it's just Penny sobbing in the car. And taking sleeping pills. And the killer playing stupid games. At least do SOMETHING. The killer just likes to make noises.

5. In a lot of scenes, it seems like the movie is building towards something. Something scary, something that'll blow you away. And in every case, what happens? NOTHING. It's not scary at all, and when you think something's gonna pop out, nothing does. It's good to do that a couple of times to throw off our expectations, but all the time? That just makes for boredom.

6. The ending makes me wonder why I spent an hour and a half waiting for something to happen when it never comes. There's no climactic conclusion. Just a lackluster ending.

See it if you like slashers and are able to sit through sobbing and nothing happening. If not, you'll probably think Penny really is dreadful. Haha...