Ilsa, the Tigress of SiberiaThis is the third canonical Ilsa installment, although every sequel is a story for itself and unrelated to the others so you can actually watch them in any order you want.
The busty Dyanne Thorne reprises her role of the titular character Ilsa, now acting as a comrade colonel in soviet Russia, and running Gulag 14 under comrade Stalin regime. It is the year 1953 in the frozen Siberia. As a new batch of political prisoners arrive, Ilsa finds there is a tough nut to crack amongst them – the intellectual Andrei Chokorin will not yield to their brainwashing techniques and won’t break under the extreme conditions. Ilsa vows she will crush him, sooner or later. Unfortunately for her, comrade Stalin dies and every trace of the gulag is destroyed, as Ilsa and her merry party of drunken Russians escape. It is now Montreal, 1977. Ilsa had become a… brothel owner and a mobster! When she learns that Chokorin, now a world famous hockey player, is in town for the Olympics she seizes the opportunity to capture him and finish what she started two and a half decades ago.
The title is in reality misleading as only the first third of the film takes place in Siberia, i.e. the really fun part. Truth is, I didn’t watch this for the story, or script or acting. I’ve watched it because it’s supposed to be a sexploitation flick, but it doesn't turn out that way. All the good things happen at the gulag, as every day an insolent prisoner rebels and every day Ilsa has to come up a new way of, ahem, “putting him in line”, which results in some interesting death scenes.
Also, at night, she indulges her more carnal desires fucking her burly comrades. I really laughed my ass off at the stereotypical portrayal of Russians. They’re all fat, drunken, bearded smelly thugs named Ivan, Nikolai or Sergei, thinking only of vodka, sex or throwing a punch or two in brawls over who’ll hit the sack with the sexy Ilsa. Oh, and the “elite” commando unit from SSSR sent to rescue Chokorin… oh, man! They dress up in white to blend in with the snowy terrain, but actually just look like a bunch of KKK members, running around with absolutely no tactics, shooting at everyone and everything and dropping dead in the most hilarious of ways. They’re as elite as the neighborhood watch.
The thing that sucked mostly was the ending. That, and the absence of any descent sexy scenes or real gore. In the end, Ilsa is left to freeze to death, in the middle of a frozen lake after her jet-ski exploded. I mean, what? She escapes the “elite” commandos, runs on a bump on the road, her jet-ski overturns, explodes, she sprain her ankle and cannot move, here comes Chokorin, looks at her, goes away, and she sits there. Like, yeah. Nobody would notice an explosion. Especially not in a city such as Montreal. Totally...
As for nudity, there’s loads of boobs. Every female character gets undressed, although Ilsa’s boobs get most of the screen time. But there aren’t any saucy scenes like in the previous two films. As an exploitation, “Ilsa, Tigress of Siberia” doesn’t have much to offer and I can advise you to safely skip it.
Rating: 3/10- review by Ventilation Shaft
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