Whiteout

RATING 4/10

BOTTOM LINE: “Whiteout” takes an intriguing setup for a mystery thriller and delivers a pathetic mess of a film that barely registers in any department, save showing off Kate Beckinsale.

THE GOOD: “Whiteout” begins in a good place, setting its story in the harshest environment on Earth in Antarctica, and just before the beginning of the six-month long winter and night. US Marshal Carrie Stetko (Beckinsale) has been at her post for months, but is confronted with a mysterious killer whose motivations lead to a much wider plot involving a Russian cargo plane buried underneath the ice for fifty years. The film immediately differentiates itself from the standard thriller by its setting and its lead character. Kate Beckinsale looks good literally, and we get an arbitrary sequence where we see her all but naked before she takes a shower. Setting the film in Antarctica elevates the danger level, and leads to some different types of fight sequences, particularly at the end of the film as a huge storm blankets the area in question. “Whiteout” has an intriguing premise, and is engaging enough to make you want to sit through it, if only to see where it goes.

THE BAD: The film is a mess in many ways. The script does not encourage anything other than two-dimensional characters and an underwhelming climax. There are no ebbs and flows to the proceedings, which despite a few thrilling moments where the director has gone for the standard cattle-prod technique, leaves a film that does not engage you thanks largely to a story that promises much but does not deliver. In the end, you wonder, is that it? The intensity and gruesome nature of the murderer do not seem to be dramatically justified given the reasons why they were done. Kate Beckinsale seems woefully mis-cast as a law enforcement officer, which seems strange given how strong she was in the Underworld movies. And despite accurately describing how dangerous Antarctica is at the beginning of the film, by the end of the film, this idea of danger is sacrificed in order to deliver some outside action sequences which seem ridiculous given how strong the storm at the end of the film is; not only do the characters walk around, but they seem to have the strength to beat the hell out of each other in well below freezing temperatures with hurricane-force winds. “Whiteout” is yet another example of a good idea wasted by terrible execution.

Todd Murphy <br />
http://www.allaboutmovies.net

Al K Hall<br />
Functional Alcoholic Slurperson<br />
(No, REALLY. Google &amp;quot;Slurperson&amp;quot; if you don't believe me.)

Last updated: 2010-03-31 17:21:52 by user08

Review:  Wow, this movie was stupid.  It took about a solid 20 minutes for me to want to turn this off; however, being the dedicated movie watcher that I am I finished it so I could tell everyone unequivocally how bad this movie truly is.

The movie centers around Kate Beckinsale's (all I can say about her is wow) character Carrie Stetko who is a ridiculously attractive US Marshall stationed at a random base in the Antarctic wilderness.  Why they have a US Marshall at this base is only partially dealt with but I am still not convinced it is necessary to have a federal agent spend all her time there.  But I digress.

Two days before Carrie is set to leave there is a murder that is discovered.  This means she will have to stay and figure out the murder, but if she stays past the day she is supposed to leave then she will have to stay for the entire winter which lasts 6 months without any sunlight whatsoever!  In investigating this murder it is determined that the murder is related to the cargo that was aboard a russian warplane that crash landed nearby in the '50's.

I am practically laughing while writing this review thinking about how horrible this movie was.  For instance, at the beginning of the movie when they show a far away shot of the base we are told two things:  (1) this is the coldest most desolate place on Earth (it literally says this on the screen) and (2) it is -55 degrees celsius.  They spend a good few minutes talking about how cold it is, how the winds are going anywhere from 60-100 mph and how it can affect you.  All this and yet they all go outside with nothing but a simple coat, half their face uncovered, and hoods that they don't even use.  The human body is subject to frostbite at 20 degrees faranheit and with winds at 20 mph.  This scenario is way beyond either of those and they don't even have their faces covered?!?!  They would get frostbite easily inside of two minutes, but everyone seems to be fine. 

The movie also chooses to use the technique that instead of actually explaining how things happen, they just fade away and come back after the event in question has taken place.  For example, the crew at one point is trapped under 20 feet of snow.  They are able to clear a way out, but actually getting out is still a question but it doesn't show how they make that happen.  It just fades away and magically it is 30 minutes later and they are out.  Normally you could suspend disbelief for a good movie, but this just adds to the overall poor craftsmanship and bad-ness of the movie. 

All acting in this movie was lifeless and not entertaining at all.  There was no character development and the dialogue was simply to move the pathetic plot.  At no point did it feel like these characters would actually be saying these words, rather, they are just saying what was in the script.  And the script wasn't even well written to begin with.  It amazes me that crap like this gets made.  The idea is decent, but in order to make it successful they would have to play on the right ideas, the claustrophobic aspect, the trapped with nowhere to go aspect, the nobody can hear you scream part.  But no, the filmmakers had none of these in mind and just wanted to make a movie that had Kate Beckinsale in it as much as possible (which I honestly cannot blame them for).  This movie provides no entertainment value.

So why did I even give this one star?  To be completely honest this movie secured one star from me because within the first 15 minutes the unbelievably gorgeous Kate Beckinsale strips down and has a shower scene.  Seriously, she is nothing short of absolutely amazing.  Other than that, this movie is in no way worth your time.

i do love me some kate beckinsale.  but i reckon i coulda passed on this one.  it’s just not very good.  there’s nothing particularly compelling about any of it.

kate beckinsale is the overly sexy u.s. marshall assigned to a post in friggin’ antartica.  we learn though flashbacks she was an overly sexy u.s. marshall in miami but had some serious shit break out and she spazzed and took a post as far away from civilization as possible.  blah blah blah.  some folks start ending up dead and frozen, people walk around in negative 65 degree weather without freezing their lips off, some fool in full face winter gear starts slashing at people with one of those climbing spike thingies, kate gets frostbite and loses some fingers and…

SPOILER ALERT…

tom skerritt did it.

i love you kate beckinsale but you need a better agent.  and maybe you should read the script before cashing the check.  but then again, it’s not like you really had to stretch yourself for this one.  this movie only gets a half a kate beckinsale out of five.

Cal Reed

At the beginning of the new crime thriller "Whiteout," Kate Beckinsdale's federal marshall Carrie Stetko walks through the Amundsen-Scott antarctic research base, goes into her cabin, disrobes slowly, and wriggles sensuously under a steaming-hot shower for about three minutes.

And you thought characer development was dead!

With our main character now fully established, "Whiteout" launches Beckinsdale into a slack, been-there-done-that investigation which concerns a crashed plane, a conspiracy of silence and a handful of uncut Russian diamonds.

You heard that right.

Russian diamonds.

What we have here, my friends, is an episode of CSI -- and not the original series, either, more like the one with Gary Sinise -- which, because it's a film and you're paying ten bucks, was arbitrarily placed in Antarctica.

Or a Burbank soundstage made to resemble Antarctica. Poorly.

"Whiteout" gives you a good-looking female protagonist, a few standard action sequences and one ho-hum twist. Thank you for coming. Please take your trash with you when you leave the theater.

The ambitions of director Dominic Sena and his four writers on this film are so low I felt like giving them a lecture about making something of themselves.

I felt like saying, You can't just sit on the couch all day, Dominic Sena. You need goals. You need a purpose. Do you really want to spend your life making soulless imitations of grade-B schlockfests last made in the seventies and considered soulless even then?

Of course not!

So put away the potato chips, clean yourself up and get dressed. And it wouldn't kill you to shave once in awhile, either.

The one good thing about "Whiteout" is that it fades quickly from memory, much as its title suggests. The same can't be said for Sena's last cinematic foray, "Swordfish," the imbecility of which annoys me to the present day.

And if you think I'm being too harsh, remember that "Swordfish" had a scene where Halle Berry gave Hugh Jackman a blowjob while he tried to solve a computer cypher in under a minute lest John Travolta shoot him in the head.

Let's not mince words. "Swordfish" was offensively stupid.

"Whiteout" is not AS stupid. But then again, "Whiteout" isn't much of anything.

It's just a bunch of phony stuff that happened while I ate Twizzlers and drank a diet Coke.

Don't rush out to see it.


SCORE:

How Accomplished: 38/100

How Much I Enjoyed: 27/100

(all the visual reminders of John Carpenter's "The Thing" reminded me how much I wasn't watching John Carpenter's "The Thing.")

Against my better judgment, I saw "Whiteout" this Saturday. It was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not that it wasn't bad, but just not that bad. "Whiteout" is an action/suspense/murder mystery/cop drama? This film never really settles on any one for long. Kate Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a U.S. Marshal assigned to a U.S. Antarctic base, who gets caught up in a murder investigation just three days before a storm will trap everyone on the base for the six months of Antarctic winter. During the beginning of the investigation, she is stalked by a masked, pick ax wielding murderer reminiscent of a bad slasher film. Then she gleams tiny bits of information from suspects as they are picked off, one by one, by the man with the ax. Then the film switches gears to murder mystery as she catches the killer, puts the pieces together, and his plot, ever so slowly and agonizingly, unwinds. We also get a sub plot of Beckinsale's character's past, which is also ever so slowly revealed throughout the film, setting the stage for her redemption in the end. /</gidiv style="text-align: left;"/>/gi  
     The first two thirds of this movie are tolerable; popcorn fodder during a matinee. The last third, however, seems to bog down in the unraveling mystery, which falls apart all to easily and slowly. There is simply not a lot to this movie and it's about 30 minutes too long. This might be worth watching on DVD as background noise or maybe at a discount theater, where it should be making appearances shortly, but I wouldn't (and wish I hadn’t) spend a full, night, weekend ticket price on it.

Brian
Ciné Critique Américain

The first few minutes of watching Kate Beckinsale stripping was....well, expected and pleasant. But it is becoming routine for her in her movies.

That entire sequence was made to keep us guys interested for the rest of this rather predictable movie. It served no other purpose at all. (Yeah, she's still got an incredible body) This movie has a very simple and uncomplicated plot. Even the "twist" is totally predictable. I knew who the villain was in the first 15-20 minutes of the film.

The movie is paced quite evenly without much up and down except for a rather unusual "action" sequence somewhere in the middle of the film, involving ice-pick, a blizzard (white-out), and a lot of guiding ropes. The action could have been better if not for some blurry fast action moments. I had no idea what happened for a few seconds. they kicked, he fell, she fell....

No surprise at all. Wait for the DVD. This is a good movie to watch on a small screen.

Vincent Snavely