Bitch Slap

Bitch Slap

For months now i've been waiting for the release of Bitch Slap, had a  very fun trailer, and looked like it'd be just like the trailer, and  exploitation film full of T&A, and that's exactly what i got!  

The  film begins with the three main characters, Hel(Erin CUmmings),  Trixie(Julie Votch) & Camero(America Olivio) arriving at a trailer,  Carmero goes in packing heat but doesn't find who she's looking for, so  instead she pops a pill. Outside the three open the trunk and a man  named Gage(Michael Hurst) is inside, Gage has a buried treasure, after  some name calling, Camero decides to put her hands down his pants, he  doesn't quite get the happy endign he wanted and is left with a presumed  snapped dick, followed quickly with a gun in the mouth and finally a  hand slammed in said trunk. We flashback 4 hours where the three first  throw hi min the trunk, while Camero & Trixie re arguing about a  botched job, Hel acts as peace keeper and we learn Trixie has a  photographic memory, and she knows a certain code. Back to the main  story Gage makes a deal with Hel to help each other out, Camero doesn't  much care for this and whilst restraining Gage to put inside of the car  he spurts out she killed people at the Glory Hole(a club) so she in turn  puts a bullet in his head.

We now flashback 4 hours & 3  minutes ago Trixie is seen breaking into a safe with a afro pic key&  being attacked by Gage only to be saved by Camero, we see that 3 days  earlier Camero shot down two thugs and ran over a dudes dick to get said  key. The story continues to show flashbacks as well as the three leads  having a three way....water fight.After Trixie & Hel have some HLA,  they go outside to find that Camero has been taken hostage by by Hot  Wire & Kinki(William Gregory Lee & Minae Noji), who force Hel  & Camero to dig to find Gage's treasure, they find a underground  storage center full of weapons(and later some jewels). When they find it  a cop, Deputy Fuchs(Ron Melendez) who attempted to to help the girls  with "car trouble" earlier comes back and sees what is going down, a  brawl ensues until Hel blows Hard Wire away with a big ass gun &  Camero shoots Kinki right in the skull with nice splatter(though it  looked very CG).

In a flashback we see that Hel helped Camero get  out of prison, the two later have a falling out which leads to Camero  beating the shit out of both girls wrapping chains around Hel &  lighting Trixie on fire(i can relate to that torture), all while Fochs  is handcuffed inside the trailer. Eventualy Hel escapes & grabs her  big ass gun & blows Camero away, or so we think as she soon returns  & shoots Trixie. We then see that Hel is a secret agent working for  Mr. Phoenix(Kevin Sorbo, btw lucy Lawless is in it too). Camero chokes  out Hel, and is about to kill Trixie when Fuchs saves the day shooting  her down, only for Trixie to show her gratitude by throwing a ninja star  into his chest. Film ends with Trixie being revealed to be a legendary  warrior who just wanted a legendary sword, getting in a hearse and  driving off leaving Hel behind.

It's a very Russ Meyers feeling  film, in the same vein as Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill, inspired vibe of  Kill Bill, shades of Sin City, over to top tones of Crank and some  excellent fights, funny name calling & kick ass split screens. Very  fun film, very hectic & chaotic, so if the review seems that way,  well the film is too, but i had a blast.

Bitch Slap

“Bitch Slap” was without a doubt one of the most eagerly awaited titles for me this year. Seeing the really awesome trailers and behind the scene footage and reading interviews with the people behind this project really fired me up. It's the kind of film this blog was made for. My expectations were very high and I was hoping for a new exploitation masterpiece. Did I get it? No. But it was still a helluva lot of fun!

In the middle of a fucking desert, 3 beautiful ladies – Hel, Camaro and Trixie – are looking for $200 000 worth of diamonds. The place is also Gage’s hideout, who is a crime lord. It also happens that he’s just a small fish working for Pinky, the legendary underground boss who’s regarded a ruthless demon, and there’s no one not afraid of Pinky. As the story develops, of course, we learn that everyone has a secret agenda and motives of their own and a conflict is inevitable.

It’s one of those flashback driven flicks, where you start right before the conclusion (with one of the characters looking around herself asking “How did it all come to this?”), and you're left clueless as regarding to Who? and Why?. The plot then takes you back and forth and gives you pieces of the “big picture”, one at a time.

It’s just that this is not exploitation, it’s an exploitation wannabe. A metaphor is due, so… it’s like a cake without an icing. No matter how good, one couldn’t help but think how great it would’ve been with the missing icing. Translated to this particular film - it’s too held back. Apart from the occasional foul language, “Bitch Slap” is a total PG-13 film, and it’s a flick that should’ve had gone all the way. I mean, it’s already rated R, so…

An example: while digging for the diamonds in the desert the ladies get hot and they decide to splash the little water they have all over themselves, right there. That of course, is fucking awesome! What is not fucking awesome is that after they get wet… they’re just wet. I mean, you won’t see even a nipple through their tops. Shortly after that, two of the vixens engage in a lesbian sex scene. With no sex. And no nudity. At all. There’s more skin shown in today’s teen comedies. In short, they’re always just cockteasing you, and that’s not nice.

Nevertheless, “Bitch Slap” still rocks because it’s totally over the top and almost off the fucking chain! Almost... The 3 heroines are, like, totally sexy in their scarce tight outfits and with their big boobs and everything. Erin Cummings who plays Hel, and Julia Voth who plays Trixie even gave good performances, while America Olivo totally overacted, in a bad way. She was supposed to play a neurotic and unstable tough bitch but just forced it too much. The film also introduces a bunch of other interesting characters, like Mother Superior and Sister Batril played by Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor. The old “Xena”/”Hercules” crew is reunited with Kevin Sorbo as the mysterious Mr. Phoenix. Unfortunately, as cool as the supporting characters are, none of them is used to their full potential.

The soundtrack is also great, but then it always is in these flicks.

Overall, one can certainly find numerous reasons to thoroughly enjoy “Bitch Slap” – it’s got an ensemble of wicked and wacky characters lead by three sizzling hot ladies, cat fights and gunfights and explosions and an interesting story. But it lacks certain elements that would've probably made a cult classic.

Rating: 8/10

- review by Ventilation Shaft

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Recommendations:

Bitch Slap and The Young Victoria: A Dual Review

Female empowerment takes many forms.

So does bad film-making.

Both are present in "The Young Victoria," which is about the first few turbulent years of Britain's longest-tenured monarch, and "Bitch Slap," which is about three sexy vixens who fight an assortment of underworld thugs in their quest to find buried diamonds.

Emily Blunt plays Victoria, who ascends to England's throne in 1837 at the age of eighteen. Three relative unknowns play Hel, Camero and Trixie, femme fatales with an array of martial arts skills and a serious affinity for automatic weaponry.

"Victoria" has two big strikes against it. First, by the time of her reign, England's monarch had very little actual power. The prime minister ran the show. Second, the era was relatively quiet on the international front, Napoleon having been vanquished twenty years earlier.

As a consequence, not much happens in "The Young Victoria" and the stakes are rather low. This stands in contrast to the other recent cinematic treatment of a storied English Queen, Cate Blanchett's "Elizabeth."

"Bitch Slap" also compares unfavorably to Blanchett's "Elizabeth," in part because of the scene where our three scantily-clad heroines get into a giggly water bucket fight, splashing each other and laughing in a manner incompatible with the professional killers they are stated to be.


What Hel, Camero and Trixie are supposed to be concentrating on is the location of stolen diamonds, which are buried somewhere near a desert locale defined by a trailer home and a stack of gasoline barrels which, believe it or not, end up exploding.

In the absence of a compelling storyline, "The Young Victoria" focuses on the romance between Victoria and Prince Albert, a German nobleman who will become the Queen's husband.

By contrast, "Bitch Slap" fills out a sparse storyline with frequent flashbacks, often having to do with stripping or fighting or both. We also learn things about our three central characters, like one of them is secretly an international spy.

The problem with the Victoria/Albert romance is that it isn't very romantic. Albert's motives are largely geo-strategic, and Victoria shares more sparks with the charismatic prime minister Lord Melbourne, played by Paul Bettany.

The fatal flaw in "Bitch Slap" is that it uses its B-movie tone to conceal the absence of true wit or excitement. It revels in the fact that it isn't very good, raising the question of whether it's possible to make a B-movie intentionally. I don't think it is. The innocent era that produced B-movies is long gone. Despite its intentions, I think "Bitch Slap" is an A-movie that just isn't very good.

And man is there a lot of fighting in it!


Meanwhile, Queen Victoria has troubles of her own, like surviving the deranged assassin who takes a shot at her while she's riding her carriage in public. Albert does the manly thing and leaps in the way of the bullet, but he only sustains a flesh wound, and as a means of reconciling our quarreling lovers, it feels like a deus ex machina.

Speaking of deus ex machina, there's a twist at the end of "Bitch Slap" that is at once predictable and absurd. I won't spoil it but... actually, wait a second, I will spoil it. This movie sucks anyway.

The diabolical "Pinkie," a mysterious figure who inhabits the shadows of the criminal underworld, turns out to be none other than the airheaded bimbo, Trixie! Trixie is the character we would least suspect. Therefore we suspect her three minutes into the movie.

But did I mention all the fighting? "Bitch Slap" is practically a martial arts instructional video. And for all the languorous shots of our actress' bodies, "Bitch Slap" isn't all that sexy. (Well, except for the lesbian sex scene between Hel and Trixie. That was sensational.) 

"The Young Victoria" is full of courtliness and manners, but nothing very significant happens. In "Bitch Slap," lots of crazy shit happens, but none of it holds together, builds to anything, or makes a lick of sense.

Ultimately the question facing the potential viewer of these two movies is: how do you prefer to be bored? With gratuitous sexuality and mindless violence? Or with a stuffy historical yawner?

I chose both, of course, but I'm kind of an idiot.

SCORE (The Young Victoria)

How Accomplished: 44/100

How Much I Enjoyed: 36/100

SCORE (Bitch Slap)

How Accomplished: 25/100

How Much I Enjoyed: 36/100

If you like boobs and blood, this one is a good one

Starts off like a cheap porn movie, but turns out as quite a good action movie, Tarantino style. Lots of blood and violence. A lot of nice (mean but also in a good way) and nude girls. A story that rather falls in the background by what you get to see. Funny special effects that are not all that bad and fit the movie quite well. Lots of nice girls. Cat fights among hot girls. More girls, and yeah well, naked girls. This movie lives up to its title "bitch slap" rules this movie. And it has got Hercules, Kevin Sorbo in it. All in all if you are bored and got 1 1/2 hours to kill, give this movie a go but don't expect an A movie, more of a good B movie.

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Vincent Snavely

Bitch Slap

Ladies, let me warn you from the get-go, this is not the film for you. Fellas, if you like Manswers, The Man Show, and other shows that have women prancing around with their cleavage oiled up and nearly busting out of their tops, then this is for you.
I’m torn on this film. On one hand, I love the gratuitous sexiness and cheesy violence. On the other hand, though, I was looking for some sort of plot, and didn’t get one. I’m not one to bash a film for not telling a story as much as the next guy, but I do belive there has to be some sort of story there, or not. Bitch Slap chooses to try to tell a story, but never really gets going with it and does nothing more than confuse the audience.
I can’t express how much the sexiness aspect is played up. For goodness sakes, the first scene is the 3 women getting out of the car in slow motion. Don’t even get me started on the water fight later on, or the lesbian make out scene, or the chick fight at the end. However, when you put these aside and look solely at the action, it is pretty decent. This is supposed to be a take on the exploitation films of the 60s and 70s, similar to the Grindhouse films, so that aspect is done very well.
A real treat for me was seeing the cameos from the main characters of Xena:WArrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. If I’m not mistaken, the guy that directed or produced this also worked on those shows, which is why the actors were in here as well.
Bitch Slap is not one of those flicks that is going to win any awards for its acting, that’s for sure. I wish I could say it was good fun, but unfortunately, I didn’t have a good time watching it. The beginning of the film is so bad, that I nearly turned it off, but it did pick up later on in the picture. This is flick that is two-faced. On one hand, it appears to be focused strictly on pleasing the male viewers. Lord knows we need this, what with the oodles and oodles of sappy chick flicks out there. On the other hand, it tries to be to a serious film, and that is its undoing. In the end, Bitch Slap is nothing more than a glorified action skin flick. I would say for all my male readers out there, check it out once or twice, but for everyone else, this is nothing more than an average film that you may or may not like, depending on how easily offended you are by oversexualized women.
3 out of 5 stars

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