Crank High Voltage

Crank: High Voltage

Crank: High Voltage - Written and directed by Neveldine/Taylor, starring Jason Statham, Amy Smart, and Clifton Collins, Jr. - Rated R

I can't think of a more fitting representation of a crappy movie involving electricity.



Speaking of movies not screened for critics and my opinion not mattering one bit, here's a little something on Crank: High Voltage. It's stupid, incredibly stupid. But that's what you should expect if you watched the first one. I seem to remember slightly enjoying the first one, though and I found almost no enjoyment with this one. It's too idiotic, the action is filmed in such a way that I can't tell what's happening most of the time, Amy Smart looks more like a meth addict than usual, Statham is starting to wear thin, and Clifton Collins, Jr. is wasted in his unfunny over the top role. I only mention this film because of one random scene featuring Glenn Howerton from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I don't want to give it away, since the end of the scene might provide the only enjoyment you get from this film (as it did for me), but if you want to skip the other 93 minutes of the film here's a link to a crappy quality youtube video of the scene. But hey, if you really liked the first one, you'll probably disagree with me completely and love every minute.

Eric Harris - www.canneltoncritic.com

Crank: High Voltage

Among real men and real film lovers, here comes the highly anticipated sequel to the helluva fuckin’ balls to the wall awesome masterpiece “Crank”, again written and directed by the fantastic duo Neveldine/Taylor.

“Crank: High Voltage” picks up exactly where “Crank” ended. Chev lies on the concrete, and a bunch of Asians come and take him away. Chev wakes up and finds his beloved heart is missing, swapped with some artificial plastic shit. The chase begins once again.

Bigger, longer and even more frenetical, this is a complete and utter guilty pleasure. All that made “Crank” so awesome is still here, made even better. Still resembling an 8-bit videogame, and so packed with action it just has to be seen, because I lack the vocabulary skills and words to describe it properly. Despite its crazy and superficial looks, “Crank: High Voltage” is seasoned with subtle humor and satire, and some nods/tributes to other particular films or genres.

Jason Statham, Amy Smart and Dwight Yoakim reprised their roles, plus the addition of Bai Ling. Mike Patton did the music. Maynard James Keenan of Tool and Danny Lohner make a cameo, and so does Chester Bennigton from Linkin Park. We also get to see Ron Jeremy.

Everything in “Crank High Voltage” reeks of awesomeness. The only things I didn’t like was the rehashing of certain scenes from part 1, but hey… who cares? I won’t award it with a “Pure Genius” label because “Crank” was the one, the original. No matter how great this sequel is, it lacks the surprise and holy shit! of “Crank”, because now you know what to expect.

Nevertheless, it’s a must see!

Rating: 9/10

- review by Ventilation Shaft

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Recommendations:

This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off!

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Bai Ling, Clifton Collins Jr, Geri Freakin’ Halliwell

What’s all this then?: It’s the sequel I never needed to that film I saw once that was kind of crazy. Wasn’t that The Transporter 3 or something? No? You’re kidding.

Say what?: Yeah Crank is back. Chinese gangs have stolen his heart and given it to David Carradine. That’s kind of a spoiler, but if that concerns you then this film isn't for you. Though now that I’ve written his name out it makes me wonder if Carradine’s untimely death had something to do with this film ending very abruptly. Again, it really doesn’t matter, but one has to consider these things.

That’s a lot of boobs: It is actually. They’re all over the place. None of them belong to Amy Smart. It seems she draws the line at the hilarious scenes of public sexual humiliation. I’m fine with that, it says more about the status of women in Hollywood that doing the wheelbarrow in front of thousands of people then getting firehosed off of Statham is good for your career whilst showing your nipples would make you look like a whore. Hey, I don’t make the rules. Katherine Heigl does.

Geri Halliwell?: She doesn’t do much, but she doesn’t embarrass herself either. I know, these Crank films really do play with expectations.

Level of crazy: 8. Doesn’t have the novelty factor of the first one, but still off it’s rocker. Bai Ling alone gives it 5 crazy points.

Crank: High Voltage

Starring:

Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez, Bai Ling

Written and Directed by: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor

Genre: Action

Rated: R

Crank High Voltage is the story of Chev Chelios(Jason Statham) who has had his heart replaced with a battery operated one and must find ways to keep it charged while he attempts to find the people that took his heart and get it back.

If you have seen the poster or read the tagline “he was dead but got better” then you know this isn’t a movie that is meant to be taken seriously. Chev has a side kick named Venus(Efren Ramirez) with full body turrets who is trying to help Chev find “the Ferret” who was part of his twin brother Kaylo’s death from the first film.  The Always game Amy Smart is back as Eve, Chev’s girlfriend turned stripper, And the best performance  by Dwight Yoakam (Doc Miles) since SlingBlade.

Crank High Voltage is completely ridiculous and completely entertaining. Don’t confuse this with a movie of Quality or Substance. The ways that Chev is able to keep his Heart charged are outlandish at best. There is even a scene that is an homage to old Godzilla films that is supremely stupid, but in a good way. The film is at the same time awful yet fun but you know that going into it. Crank never pretends to be something it isn’t. It’s big, dumb and stupid but always entertaining you won’t get bored watching it. If nothing else, it is worth seeing simply to watch Corey Haim Rock one of the best mullets ever captured on film.

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Crank: High Voltage

I almost liked "Crank: High Voltage."

It is misogynistic, racist, illogical, uninvolving and sociopathic. Its action is not implausible, it is outright impossible.

And I almost liked it.

It must be the swagger. "C:HV" has all energy and self-confidence of its main character, Chev Chelios (played by bad-movie magnet Jason Statham). It moves forward at full speed at all times. The camerawork is skillful and sprightly, the music is loud and effective, and the premise, while outlandish, has an undeniable appeal. Chinese mobsters steal Chev Chelios' heart for one of their ailing elders. Intent on harvesting all his organs, they implant an electronic pump in his chest, but he escapes their clutches, leaving himself with an hour to find his original heart before his artificial replacement runs out of juice.

The movie spares only a few lines -- on the go -- toward shoring up the believability of this situation. It is more concerned with following Chelios' mad dash through Los Angeles than explaining it. Fair enough. It's nice if a movie is smart and makes actual sense, but there are other ways of winning us over.

"C:HV" makes full use of those other ways, unleashing a torrent of bullets, an endless parade of naked women, and a series of bizarre characters to stun us into submission. Like I said, it almost works.

Ultimately the movie's sense of humor trips it up. A movie as absurd as this has to play things absolutely straight or it has to have a consistently successful sense of humor. "C:HV" goes for the latter, but the jokes don't fall. To paraphrase Errol Flynn, wresting your living heart back from the clutches of the Chinese Triads is easy. Comedy is hard.

Unredeemed by humor, "C:HV" begins to collapse under the weight of its brutaliy, its anger, its manic, juvenile imbecility. In the end the movie even turns on its own lead, foisting on Chev Chelios the same kind of agonizing demise that has befallen nearly everyone else. (Despite a credits coda that suggests a continuation of Chev's strange and violent life.)

"C:HV" is a B-movie of the kind that are seldom made anymore. The recent "Punisher: War Zone" is a not-so-distant relative. But whereas "P:WZ" had an unerring sense of its own tone and a satisfying, if ridiculous, ending, "C:HV" sputters to an increasingly pointless anti-climax that drives the audience eagerly toward the exits.


SCORE:

How Accomplished: 22/100

How Much I Liked It: 43/100

Crank: High Voltage

Here’s a movie made for rapists. And guys who play Grand Theft Auto a lot. I’m drawing a line between those two that some may question, but let’s face it: video games hate women. And so does Crank 2. Crank 2has an excuse, of course. Like the gore-porn trend in horror movies, it’s only trying to follow the lead established by games. Movies, unfortunately, are mostly about commerce. And right now, there’s nothing more profitable than one set of pixels gutting another set. But movies for guys don’t have to have this fury toward girls. Does Jason Statham’s mother know he’s making movies like this?

Statham died at the end of the first Crank. But as the movies tag-line explains: “He got better”. Crank 2 starts with Statham being shovelled off the street and ends with him being immolated. In between, he rampages through Los Angeles, merrily murdering as many ethnic minorities as possible. There is no point. The point is: the movie wants to be offensive. He’s after a Chinese gangster. But he mostly kills Hispanics. And strippers. If a woman isn’t naked in Crank 2, she’s dead. Occasionally, the movie is funny in a dark-hearted way. But then in turns, like a drunk who outstays his welcome.

They should make young actresses watch Amy Smart in this movie, as a warning. Her part is written with such contempt for her that it’s like watching someone smile after they’ve been spit in the face. She’s a stripper who likes fucking Jason Statham. I think that covers all the nuances of her character. She also gets slapped around a little. Poor Amy. If this isn’t the low point in her career, God help her when she hits bottom. I can see her thinking: well, I’ve got tape over my nipples in the titty bar scene, so it’s not totally degrading. But it is. Study her make-up: why the swollen lip? So she’ll look beaten.

Shame on Jason Statham. Bruce Willis would never have starred in this. But that anything, provided there’s a cheque approach was bound to land Jason in Crank 2 sooner or later. He plays his part the same as he plays everything, like a boxing glove with a smirk. But there’s just too much of him shouting at women. And that part isn’t funny. The directors (there are two guilty parties) probably told Statham they were after black comedy, but even in black comedy, there’s a line.Crank 2 is sordid where it wants to be outrageous. It will most delight men who don’t have a sense of irony (i.e. men under 18 and unabashed misogynists).

L.A. in Crank 2 looks like it’s been hit by a nuclear bomb. The sunlight is wretched, cancerous. Everyone in the movie looks like they’re being x-rayed. They’re all filmed too close. The movie has a Hustler-eye for women, especially. You wonder if the directors bothered to direct their actresses above the crotch. Maybe they were too busy feeding what they’d shot into a blender, for editing. The movie is shot as a series of shrieks and exposed wounds. There’s one good joke: a title card that says “9 seconds later”. But mostly Crank 2 is like watching a hyper-caffeinated teenager. Adults will get bored.

Games are a rotten influence on movies. For one thing, they’re mostly stupid. And action movies have a low enough reputation without seeking to ape Grand Theft Auto. It’s the part of that game where you earn points for stomping on prostitutes that Crank 2 most resembles; nasty, lurid, desensitized “fun”. In games, the women are pixel people who bleed pixel blood – so it’s ok (the theory goes). But in movies, even if the blood’s not real, the women are. And there’s nothing ok about seeing women so reduced. Crank 2 is the voice of the locker-room; male fear and self-loathing. It’s for dicks.

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Crank 2: High...yeah, somebody was high, had to be it...

Here's how it HAD to have happened:

Jason Stathem is in a meeting with two douche bag Producers.

Jason Stathem:  Okay, whattia got for me boys?

Douche bag Producer 1:  We've been thinking and...

Douche bag Producer 2:  We know you're going to love this.

JS:  Tell me.  Don't keep me in fuckin' suspense.  (you know, cause he's British and tough.)

DBP1:  Bare with us.  Don't say no right off the bat.

DBP2:  Ready?

DBP1 & DBP2 (together):  Crank 2!

JS:  I'm sorry, but I could have sworn I heard you two douche bag producer's just pitch Crank fuckin' 2 to me.  (you know, cause he's British and tough)

DBP1:  We did.

JS:  I don't know if you remember, but I fuckin' died at the end of the first one.

DBP2:  We know, but we fixed it.

JS:  How?

DBP1:  We're going to steal you're heart.  And in this one...

DBP2:  You're going to have to chase down the people who took it before you die.

DBP1:  And you'll have to keep shocking yourself in order to keep you're fake heart going.

JS:  Are you two fuckin' retarded or something?  That's the fuckin' worst idea I've ever heard.  I'd rather do another Ewe Boll movie before I do that piece of shit.  You're a couple of fuckin' wankers you are. (you know, cause he's British and tough.)

Jason Stathem gets up and heads for the door.  Just as he reaches for the door handle...

DBP2:  You haven't seen the check yet.

Jason stops and turns around.  He's handed a check.  He reads the high number on the check.  He faces the two douche bag producers and exclaims:

JS:  When we fuckin' startin' production?  (you know, cause he's British and tough)

That's really the only scenario that I can even imagine happening that got this movie made.  For those of you that have seen the first Crank, you know that there's really no point to that movie other than to have Jason Stathem, B-movie action stud, run around, kick some ass and shoot a few hundred rounds.  Even though that's the only REAL point of the flick, it's still pretty good.  This movie?  Um, how do I even tell you about it?  Let me put it this way, if you go see the movie (which, based on the trailer, even the most die hard Stathem femmes opted to pass this one up...and they watched Death Race!) here's what you'll see:

Jason Stathem's Ass - to some, a plus.

A stripper getting shot, sideways, through her tits...which causes silicon to leak out...and yes, her fake tits go flat. - to some, a plus.

Stathem shoves a shotgun up a guys ass to "interrogate him."  - Oh yeah, a full shotgun, not just the tip...just to see how it feels.

A full on sex scene, in front of a crowd, at the race track, while horses race over the two.  One horse jumps over the pair in slow motion.  The horse has a rather large erection, seemingly from watching the two fuck. - to some, a plus...I'm sure.

A really, really "husky" fellow gets his nuts crushed by a stripper with a bicycle...

Ron Jeremy, Jenna Haze and a couple other porn stars have a hilarious cameo - to ME, a plus

Oh yeah, and Corey Haim is in it too.  He has a SPECTACULAR bleach blonde mullet and a T-shirt that reads "nice jugs" on it with pictures of two milk jugs on it- to everyone, a plus

This of course, just scratches the surface, but I think you get the drift.  Not you're typical high brow actioner.  If you can handle the stupidity, it does have some hilarious moments and it's clearly not supposed to be taken all that seriously.  I'd go see it, BUT I had a free movie pass and I have to say, I'm glad it was free for me.

Last updated: 2010-02-16 10:56:43 by mfonseca

Crank

It was no suprise that I have to say going to see this movie was a waste of my time. If your no stranger to the disappointing and poorly done Crank, then you know what i’m talking about. The way they build us up, getting up excited with good ass previews then shoot all those months of hope right out the air, it’s down right sick. I’m a full time college student, I have time to waste like that. Every heard of opportunity cost. I have to make time for stuff like that and I don’t wanna spend it watch bullshit. And the worst part about it was that the actor actually did a good job, it was the production crew that messed every thing up. For instance, one fight scene Chev and his opponent  grow to monstrous sizes and reenact the classic Godzilla vs King Kong battle. Very very very very corny. Surprisingly enough I managed to find something good about this film, the acting was on point and they didn’t disappoint on the classic public sex scene.

Would I recommend seeing this film? Only if your bored and you have nothing better to do. Nothing at all, not homework, not chores, nothing. It’s not worth the opportunity cost, trust me.

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The Wiz

Last updated: 2010-01-11 08:51:45 by FadingMemory

Crank High Voltage

Excess can be funny. The first “Crank” seemed to understand the “can” in that sentence and tried to think of crazier and more inventive situations to put its protagonist in — after all, the poison he’d been injected with would cause a cardiac arrest unless he kept it beating fast, to the point of having to dance inside a cab to prevent it from slowing down.

In this sequel, “Crank High Voltage”, writers/directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor prove they don’t really understand what made their previous movie so funny. It wasn’t just the excess and the parody of Jason Statham’s tough guy image — it was the inventiveness. “Crank” was surprisingly well-written for its premise, and turned out to be an excellent comedy thanks to that.

In “High Voltage”, however, Neveldine and Taylor simply go for excess, as if that alone is capable of making the audience laugh. Not only they recycle scenes from “Crank” — like the classic sex scene — for most of the movie they fail to come up with funny and unexpected situations like in the first film.

The sequel picks up right where “Crank” left off, with Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) unsurprisingly surviving the fall from the helicopter and being kidnapped by the Triads, who remove his heart and replace it with an artificial one. When Chelios escapes, he goes after his heart, but must keep his artificial heart electrically charged — which, of course, means doing stuff like holding power cables and tasering himself.

The first “Crank” has a number of scenes that, thanks to their politically incorrect creativity, come to mind instantly — like the dance inside a cab, the sex scene, Jason Statham running down the street with a massive erection — and all of those were a direct consequence of Chev Chelios’ condition — having to keep his heart beating as fast as possible all the time. From the beginning of the movie to the end, his mind was never off this objective.

“High Voltage” feels like a step down, since Chelios’ artificial heart has an internal battery that lasts for an hour until it needs to be charged — whereas a matter of seconds resting could mean Chelios’ death in the previous film. For this reason, Neveldine and Taylor need to come up with situations that are not directly related to the premise, and the slower pace causes the directors to let their scenes stretch way beyond their comedic potential.

A good example is the strip club scene, where Neveldine and Taylor focus on several naked women dancing like they’re expecting us to laugh at their blatant, satiric misogyny — something the previous movie also had, but didn’t abuse. And then Chelios’ girlfriend, Eve (played by Amy Smart), shows up as one of the strippers and starts dancing naked as well and then I wondered what the point of the scene was. It wasn’t funny, the excess had already become boring and — well, I guess the filmmakers’ goal was quite simply to give the audience an erection.

That is basically the problem with “High Voltage”. While the over-the-top style of the previous film was for comedy’s sake, here the shock is for the shock’s sake. Over the course of the film, Neveldine and Taylor try to make us laugh at how offensive they’re being, but they try so hard (and for so long) it just becomes boring. I mean, I lost count of how many times naked boobies appear in the film. And in the meantime they forget to come up with new ideas that are actually funny. The filmmakers, not the boobies.

Another sign of this would be the way they recycle characters from the previous film. Kaylo (Efren Ramirez) returns as Venus, who has full-body tourette’s — which could be hilarious, but Neveldine and Taylor fail to see how. Eve returns as a stripper, only to reprise her sex scene, apparently. Another minor characters return, without achieving greater success either — with the exception of an extra from the previous film who is here seen in a therapist’s office.

The new characters are even worse, with the skinny prostitute Ria (Ling Bai) being simply annoying (although the filmmakers seem to recognize this, as they often make her suffer), and Johnny Vang and El Huron are painfully dull.

The movie does have some inspired moments — like the talk show where we get to see Billy Unger, in a hilarious appearance, playing Chelios as a young man (and which has the best line in the film, involving Ritalin), the way he uses a shotgun to extract answers from a guy and the moment he tries rubbing against people to create static electricity. But these tend to be the exception, since the rest of the film consists of overlong scenes that lose their shock and comedic potential way before they cut to another scene, like the pointless Godzilla-esque fight, the many shots of naked women with guns and the nipple-cutting punishment.

At least it’s still funny to see Jason Statham playing with his own reputation, and the actor doesn’t ever hold back, diving headfirst into every single ridiculous action he’s forced to do. The beautiful Amy Smart, similarly, has no problems in wearing little to no clothes throughout the entire film, and she has her moments. And would you believe the extremely old Poon Dong is played by the late David Carradine?

Hyperkinetic, over-the-top and directed by what seems like two squirrels on amphetamines. The first “Crank” was like that as well.
But it was funny.

Originally written by André Navarro on January 8th 2010

http://andrenavarro.wordpress.com/

Last updated: 2010-01-08 13:12:12 by andre_navarro

Crank: High Voltage

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sequels are hit and miss. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. The jury is still out on Crank: High Voltage, though.
Jason Statham returns as Chev Chelios. As I was watching everything Chelios was going through, I was like, can this guy ever catch a break and is he really human? The man somehow survived that poison from the first film, and now he’ had his heart removed and repalced with a temporary one that he has to keep juicing up. He even ends the film climbing up power lines to get some electrical current which is so much that it sets him on fire!
Amy Smart reprises her role as Eve, Chev’s ditzy blonde girlfriend. Now a stripper, she thought that Chelios was dead and shacked up with the sleazy club owner (played by Corey Haim, of all people). In a film like this, you’d think there’s be more scenes with the resident eye candy, but not so much. A bit of a disappointment to me, but then again, there are plenty of other naked women to be seen, plus she and Statham have the memorable sex romp at the horse races.
Dwight Yoakam, who I still can’t get over being an actor now, has a bigger role as Doc Miles this go around. It is good to know that Doc is actually skilled at some thing, although he confused the bejesus out of me when he was explaining what Chelios had to do to stay alive with that AbioCor heart.
Efren Ramirez returns, not as the murdered Kaylo, but rather his brother Venus, who suffers from some form of Tourette’s. I think it was called FBT, Full Body Tourette’s. Venus isn’t as flaming as Kaylo. As a matter of fact, he almost seems straight. It is implied that he isn’t, but it is also implied he is? Perhaps he swings both ways?
Bai Ling annoys me to no end when she’s not acting, so of course I’m no fan of her character who is just about as annoying as one can get. I’m of the belief that had she been in the first one, she’d have been part of the body count. Here, Chelios isn’t on as much a rampage. This chick does get everything done to her except get shot, so I guess that’s a consolation.
One of the best scenes in the film involves a cameo from Lauren Holly as a psychiatrist talking to the cart guy from the first film that Chelios pulled a gun on so that he could get his ephedrine. On top of this being a hot scene, the irony comes when a bullet (fired from Chelios’ gun) ricocheted and goes through his head. Another cameo is Geri Haliwell (Ginger Spice) as Chev’s mom in a flashback. Nothing really special there, just wanted to mention it. There is also a scene with striking porn stars and we get cameo appearances from Lex Steele, Jenna Haze, and Ron Jeremy.
Following up where Crank ended, this film doesn’t lose any of the excitement of its predecessor. There are still tons of bodies, senseless violence, over the top action, gratuitous sex (in front of a crowd at the racetrack, this time), and everything that made the first film one of my favorites…except it doesn’t have that fun factor. To me, it seems like this one tried to become a serious movie, whereas the first film was insane and didn’t care. For this reason, I can’t give this an enthusiastically high rating, but it is still awesome, mindless fun that any action junkie will love.

http://thankyounetflix.wordpress.com

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