300

Comic books are pornography. That’s why Hollywood loves them. Black and white morality coupled with ultra-violence coupled with sex… Here is a formula that makes sense to film executives. Because books are tough. Let’s face it. Trying to portray the inner-life of complex literary characters is a bitch. Especially when your target audience is 16. So why not not bother? Why not opt for 300 Spartan warriors with no complex inner-lives? “Inner-life” is only a euphemism in Hollywood anyway. To have inner-life a character must stop acting. A movie like300 is easy to green-light in Hollywood, ’cause Spartans would rather die than succumb to complex thoughts or feelings.

In so far as there is a plot in 300, the plot is: there’s a fight. We begin in the kingdom of Sparta, circa 480 B.C. Persian emissaries come to warn the Spartan King Leonidas that a mighty army is set to arrive in Greece with the intention of conquering the Greek city states. Leonidas replies by shoving the Persian emissaries down a well. So war is declared. Leonidas asks the other city states for help in rebuffing the Persians, but, when no help is proffered, he takes it upon himself (and 300 of his best troops) to repel the 1,000,000-strong Persian army by halting their advance at a narrow mountain pass called Thermopylae. The rest is Sin City, with spears.

Realising that: a) 1,000,000 extras would cost a lot of money, and b) no-one really buys this kind of crap anymore, director Zack Snyder decided to shoot 300 like a video game, with just about everything (bar one or two actors) computer generated. Those familiar with video game parlance (i.e. anyone under 30) will be au-fait with terms like “cut scene” (the bits in-between the bits where you control the action in a video game) and much of 300 has the “cut scene”-feel. What this means (for those who are over 30) is that a bunch of actors who’d have a major struggle on their hands playing storefront mannequins stand around reciting dialogue that would make George Lucas cringe, while the special effects have an epileptic fit and the lighting makes everyone look like they’re made of concrete.

Casting for such a venture must have been an interesting process. Questions like: “How long could you spend in a loin-cloth?” would have been paramount, as would the ability to hack and slash at nothing for weeks on end. Obviously this was not a movie that was going to attract the cream of contemporary acting talent, and, to give them their due, Gerard Butler and co. perform as well as could be expected under the circumstances. Butler, familiar from oodles of crap over the past few years (he played Dracula in Dracula 2000 and The Phantom inPhantom of the Opera), has a face that looks well-pounded with a shovel and a voice that wants to be Sean Connery, but he’s right for this nonsense, doing the Glasgow hard-man bit as CGI elephants shove their tusks in his face. His Queen, played by Lena Headley, has a top that was made to be taken off and a chin that’s good for jutting when she makes speeches. Roderigo Santora plays Xerxes like he was in The Crying Game and everybody else may have acted well, but, to be honest, I couldn’t tell the difference between them.

So, yes, I think 300 is crap. But who am I to judge? I didn’t like Sin Citymuch either. The movies I love are so far removed from the look-at-that-guy’s-arm-come-off!- aesthetic this movie seeks to pander to that it’s a wonder I could sit through the movie at all, let alone compose a coherent review of it. 300 is a comic book. 300 is pornography. It wants you to look at violence the way folks look at Playboy, but it doesn’t work for the over-16-set because violence (unlike sex) is intrinsically lurid. You know you’re getting old when you think of pain before you think of fighting, and 300 functions almost like a mnemonic for maturity. If you find it wanting, you’re too old for it.

Here follows my review for Zack Snyder’s film “300″:
Oh my god. . .oh. . .my. . .god. . . oh my god! This film was SO great! And awesome, and sweet, and just plain kick-ass. I cannot describe the coolness of this 117 minutes of celluloid. I cannot think of where to begin with this review, so, I will just basically list off everything cool about it.

Gerard Butler

Here he is, my favorite actor. (After seeing him in ‘Attila’ in seventh grade, awesome movie, too.) Gerard Butler, to me at least, is the ultimate actor with a sword. He kicked ass Attila, he kicked ass as Beowulf, and now he kicks ass as Spartan King Leonidas. What better actor to play the badass general who actually did talk trash to the Persians? Gerard Butler plays a complete badass, cracking jokes about the enemy’s weak army, but he also plays a noble king, who loves his country, his wife, and would die for any of his men. Butler was the perfect man to play this role. Whoever decided to cast him in the film was a genius.

Taking liberties: This movie kicks ass because it takes the historical story and adds wacky and quirky things to it. The awesome visual style was amazing. All the history buffs are butt-hurt that it wasn’t historically accurate. . .so what? I know it’s not either, but I don’t care. I love the visual style. Of course the Persian King Xerxes didn’t walk around practically naked with a whole bunch of jewelry, but it looks awesome in the movie. And the grotesque Immortals were cool villains, who had sweet armor by the way. The addition of rhinos and elephants only the made the Spartan’s seem stronger. It’s like, why not add elephants? I am glad that they did.

The lines: There are some great lines in this film. One of them is on the first day of battle, and Leonidas says to his soldiers: “Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time.” I love this line because when you think about it, it IS their day for all time. Of course, the historical lines are awesome as well, like the “Spartans lay down your weapons/Come and get them” as well as “Then we will fight in the shade.” Great dialogue in this movie. One scene with great dialogue is the scene after the first session of killing, where Leonidas eats an apple while his other men kill the dying Persians. I also loved how Xerxes’ voice was synthesized to sound deeper and evil. Very awesome.

The battles:

I think the fighting in this movie is. . .awesome! The film brings you right into the battle, and it somewhat feels like you are actually fighting alongside the Spartans. Like when the Spartans hold the line against the Persains, you feel the power and might of the Persian force smacking into the Spartan phalanx. I love Leonidas’ skills in combat. The scene with the son and that other guy is excellent, with the camera zooming around. The addition of new military forces (Medes, Immortals, Elephants, Rhinos) kept the battles nice and fresh.

The visual style: This movie is freakin’ beautiful. Every shot is graced with the touch of ‘digital grading,’ making it brighter or darker. Every single frame looks like a painting. This film has beautiful visuals and tones of color.


When something is really good in my eyes, like, so good that it is beautiful, my eyes start to water. I have only done this to some compositions of music, and have never done that for a movie. . .until now. Within about ten minutes of the movie, when the Persians come to visit Sparta, my eyes were watering by the sheer beauty of this film. According to the people I saw this movie with, my eyes were wide and my mouth open the whole duration of the movie. Apparently, they were talking to me during the film, and I was just going “uh-huh” and “yea.” I do not remember this at all. I was so sucked into the movie, I did not even realize someone speaking to me. The whole crowd could have been on fire, running about screaming, and I still would be watching this film. After viewing this movie, I wanted to be in eighth grade again with my buddies, fighting in my backyard with plastic swords like we used to. This film’s beauty made me cry and brought up old fun memories with people I haven’t talked to in a long time. This film brought out the little kid in me. . .and I just can’t even contemplate how a film can be so good. Great movie. I love it.

Last updated: 2010-01-14 21:03:41 by rammfan518

The Gist

Based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller, this is a story about 300 Spartan soldiers. Led by Gerard Butler, they go on a battle against what seemingly feels like ten thousand billion Persian soldiers to defend Sparta. Then the story goes, erm, yeah, that’s about it.

What Do I Think?

Stylishly violent. Unapologetically brutal. Unbelievably offensive. Poetically gory. Seemingly unafraid. Unabashedly exaggerated. Unusually bold. Rhythmically justified. Profoundly ambitious.

Entirely highly satisfying.

Raking US$70 million on its first week of release, this means one thing: Hollywood has finally done something right after a long, long time!

Minimally censored. Praise the snippers for their leniency in the Malaysian cinemas. Only the sex scenes were cut; all other forms of gore and violence remained. That means you gotta watch it on the silver screen.

Every single Spartan soldier boasts some washboard abs, regardless of age. Definitely not done using CGI; as the tool was used, with much justice, for the backdrop of the whole film. A reminder to Hollywood, use more CGI for sceneries please. Use 300 as an example.

Go watch it. It’s damn bloody good.

Rating: 9/10

Last updated: 2009-08-11 21:42:49 by joekhor