AbsolonContinuing my little time of cinematic reminiscence, I’ve remembered another flick starring Christopher Lambert, one that I quite liked, but caught only once on TV. It was called “Absolon”, which is a pretty memorable title. Unlike “Beowulf”, “Absolon” was more or less how I remembered it.
In the year 2003, a deadly virus swept over the planet, assisted by years of pollution and the destruction of the ozone layer. All the world economics collapsed in chaos. By the time a cure was developed, five billion people had died. The cure was Absolon. Now, years later, the Unified Pharmaceutical Corporation rules the world, as it holds the monopoly on the cure’s distribution. When Absolon’s inventor, Dr. Reyna is killed after working on a secret experiment, Detective Norman Scott leads the investigation. Soon he, with the aid of a young and very sexy and busty scientist Dr. Claire Whitaker, discovers a grand conspiracy bigger than anything he had ever dealt with.
The plot appealed to me for various reasons, one is my love for so called conspiracy theories. I don’t believe them blindly, but sometime they surely do make me wonder. In “Absolon’s” case of deadly viruses and only cures, can anyone remember the swine flu? How we were all gonna die if we didn’t take Tamiflu? Or a couple of years before that, when we were all gonna die of the bird flu? If we didn’t take Tamiflu… again. “Absolon”, Tamiflu… I think you can see the similarities, ahem…
Well anyway, truth to be told, I remembered the film for three key factors:
a) The title/story
b) Christopher Lambert
c) Kelly Brook
If I’d be even more honest, Kelly Brook ranks #1 out of the three. At that time, I also remember seeing her famous FHM shoot photos for the first time. And I must say, for a model, her acting skills are not half that bad. She’s better than our leading man, Christopher Lambert. As I grow older, I’m afraid to watch any of his films because every time I re-discover how he really can’t act. Not only that, but he lacks a charisma present in, for example, Steven Seagal, whose stiff acting and wooden performances had become a sort of trademark, and no longer viewed as a bad thing. But Lambert… really, I don’t remember him being that awful from when I was a kid relishing in the adventures of Connor MacLeod. On the other hand, I was pleasantly surprised to see Lou Diamond Phillips and Ron Perlman also starred in this, playing UPC’s CEO Murchinson and his lead henchman Mr. Walters respectively. Perlman really turned in a good performance as the devious, but totally nonchalant evil mastermind. When accused of being a disgusting bastard, he coldly replies: “No. I’m a realist, and a pragmatist.”
The only thing I can really hold against the filmmakers is they didn’t show us enough of the gorgeous Kelly Brook. Even the sex scene, actually not being a sex scene at all, was disappointing. And the action scenes could’ve used a bit of an upgrade, too.
Naturally, “Absolon” suffers from all the usual shortcomings of cheap B-flicks (and it really does look cheap), but also provides enough of a good script and is overall well paced to keep you seated until the end. Of course, it would be very helpful if you were a fan of some of the actors, like I was. In the end, it was OK and I don’t consider my time spent on watching it wasted.
Rating: 6/10
- review by Ventilation Shaft
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