Beowulf

This is the 1999 take on the popular story of Beowulf and it stars  Christopher Lambert, Rhona Mitra and Layla Roberts. It fits the  definition of trash flicks perfectly.  I’ve seen it years ago, and quite  liked it. Now, I wanted to find out if it held through the years…. Did  it? Um, well…

Placed in a steampunk setting, Lambert plays the lone rider Beowulf, a  mysterious wanderer who travels the land fighting evil. He arrives at an  outpost (which is in reality like a castle) ruled by king Hrothgar,  whose inhabitants are being slain by night by a creature of the dark,  one by one. Beowulf catches the eye of the king’s sexy daughter Kyra  (Rhona Mitra) who quickly falls in love with him. But there is a monster  to be defeated first, and he is – you’ve probably guessed it by now –  Grendel.

“Beowulf” is really a hard film to describe. I both like it and dislike  it. For one, I like they set the plot in a different universe than  usual. That, and I’m a sucker for steampunk or any mix of modern and  medieval. Not that it played a big role here, but still. On the other  hand, for a budget of 20 million, and being from 1999, it sucks badly.  The effects are really, really bad and the film looks at least 15 years  older. But the biggest disappointment were the action scenes. Because of  the effects, Grendel looked like a blurry shape. Actually, it didn’t  look like it, it WAS a blurry shape. You never saw Beowulf and Grendel  on the same shot. Instead, they’d flash a close up punch or swing by the  beast and then shown Beowulf falling on the floor, and vice-versa. As  for Beowulf, his moves consisted of back and frontflips performed by  stuntmen.

They had probably spent all the budget on sets, because they’re the only  things in this film that looked the part… sort of.

Which brings us to the acting, another very weak point. OK, I don’t  expect same crazy performances out of cheesy B-films like “Beowulf”, but  goddamn if this didn’t make look Steven Seagal like Oscar worthy  material. I’ve seen many of Lambert’s works, but this ranks among his  lowest. He was so wooden and stiff, I had wondered if he was actually  dead. Lambert aside, and all the other uninteresting supporting roles we  come to the highlight of the cast – Rhona Mitra and Layla Roberts.  Regarding Rhona, this was, I think, the first film I’ve seen with her  in. I’ve always had a soft spot for her and I find her extremely  pleasing to the eye, and I believe I’m not alone. If for nothing else,  it’s because of Rhona I can say this wasn’t a total waste of time. And  last, but by no means least there’s the smoking hot Layla  Roberts as Grendel’s Mother. What she does is act all slutty  and wander half naked around d the outpost. That’s apparently what  ancient lady demons do. Not that I have any objections. My only gripe is  that the film only cock-teases you and doesn’t show any even moderately  sexy scenes involving any of the two beauties.

Finally, I arrive at the music which consists of an original score  composed by Ben Watkins, and already existing tracks from other bands;  it’s a crazy mix of techno, some electronic space ambient and heavy metal. The best  description I can think of is: weird. It sounds totally out of place in  some scenes, but fits others like a custom tailored suit.

Overall, “Beowulf” is a crappy film; a good idea marred by very poor  looking special effects that should’ve been better taking the budget  into account, really weak performance by Christopher Lambert and  piss-poor action sequences. A shame, because it had potential. Still,  Rhona and Layla made it watchable…

Rating: 4/10

- review by Ventilation Shaft