Journey to the Center of the Earth

Journey to the Center of Crap

Jules Verne's classic novel has been adapted into film many times. There was the classic 1959 film with Pat Boone and James Mason. There was the made-for-cable miniseries from 1999 with Treat Williams (which, for some reason, had the journey start in New Zealand instead of Iceland.) There have been other versions, some better than others.

Anyway, it's been a while since someone has done this story, and it's never been done with comtemporary CGI effects wizardry, so it was only a matter of time before someone decided to tackle it again. Brendan Fraser got to play the lead, giving it some box-office pull. And the film was released (in selected theatres) in 3D, using the new "RealD" process that is supposed to be the Next Big Thing in movies.

This one is based upon the book, but with a weird twist. It's the present day. Brendan Fraser plays Trevor, a college professor of geology, who is carrying on the work started by his older brother Max, also a geologist. Max had this weird theory that the Verne novel was based on scientific fact, and had gone away to Iceland to prove it.

Ten years later, Max is still missing. Max's 13-year-old son Sean is sent to spend a couple of weeks with Trevor during summer vacation. When a seismic sensor in Iceland starts sending data to Trevor's lab just when Trevor is showing the lab to Sean, Trevor immediately takes off to Iceland to investigate, Sean going along for the ride.

Once there, they hook up with a local guide, a very attractive young woman called Hannah, who takes the two to where the sensor was buried. Circumstances force them to take shelter in a cave, in which they become trapped. Which of course sets the story in motion. Searching deeper into the cave for another way out, they instead find a way down, down, down to a land far below the surface of the Earth. There, they find strange creatures -- giant mushrooms, glowing birds, flying fish with very large teeth, and the occasional dinosaur. The questions they face: what happened to Max, and how to get back to the surface.

The setup here is for a family-friendly action-adventure film, and the film has plenty of it. The settings deep under the surface are very well rendered, though colours other than a myriad shades of brown, beige, and tan would have been nice. But the action consists of a series of set pieces, one after the other, interspersed with quieter moments in which plot points get explained. One of the set pieces is lifted straight out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; another one is derivative of Jurassic Park. Ultimately, the set pieces become little more than excuses for someone to have things happen to.

As for the performers, Brendan Fraser seems to be sleepwalking through most of the film. The young Sean is there only to give his uncle Trevor someone to talk to, and Hanna is there only to provide the possibility of a romantic subplot. This possibility falls flat on its face, as there is a total lack off chemistry between the actress playing Hannah (Icelandic model Anita Briem) and star Brendan Fraser. (Briem is gorgeous, but if this movie is any indication, she has the acting capabilities of a Barbie doll.)

Worse, this film is part of the latest craze in 3D movies. Every so often, someone comes up with a new way of doing 3D movies, and it's immediately declared by pundits as a revolutionary new development that will change movies forever. Except they never do. And I don't think this time will either. The problem with 3D movies, whatever the format, is that the filmmakers try to justify the use of the 3D images by throwing things at the camera, which will be seen by the audience as being heading straight for them. And so here, we have a lot of things lunging, leaping, projecting, or being thrown at the screen for no reason other than to remind the audience that this is 3D movie.

Seeing it on DVD, I of course saw the 2D version, in which I got to see someone hold an extended tape measure in an odd, unnatural way just so the end would be in the extreme foreground for a 3D effect. I got to see Brendan Fraser spit mouthwash into the sink, with the camera in the drain looking up. (Eww!) I got to see a lot of things head straight for the camera, obvious cues for 3D effects.

The makers of the 3D movies, then and now, seem to be missing one very important point: If a movie isn't very good in the normal 2D version, making it 3D isn't going to make it any better. Instead, all they're doing is giving people a virtual theme-park ride, except the seats aren't as comfortable. This movie is a perfect example of that.

Journey To The Centre of The Earth

You know.. when you have a movie that can't even get the spelling of CENTRE right in the title, you know this is going to be a shitty film.



Okay so this movies is based on the 1960 film and it's about Brendan Fraser who's this scientist guy who has had a brother disappear while on  expedition. And while going through some of his brother's old things, he comes across the book Journey To The Centre of The Earth and finds that his brother has left clues in there on how to find the place. And that is where the story development of the movie ends.



From that point on, all we get from this movie is just one big amusement park ride. We have these people riding down a mine shaft,they see some giant mushrooms and shiny birds, they start battling giant piranhas, they fight giant killer plants, they get chased by T-Rex and then the movie becomes a video game where the kid from Bridge To Terabithia starts jumping over these floating magnetic rocks like it was Super Mario.



Now you're reading this and you're thinking, "Hey asshole, you just spoiled the whole movie for me." No I didn't. There's is absolutely nothing to spoil story wise for this turd of a film. For nearly two hours all I see is Brendan Fraser, a kid and a hot chick jumping over lava and fighting weird creatures. There's no story, there's no plot, there's no character development.



Man screw Brendan Fraser! I still don't get how this big lard bucket is able to get so many roles. And he keeps getting cast in the most ridiculous roles. Now, giveth I loved him in The Mummy and he was good in Crash but in here, they're expecting us yo believe this mumbling fool is a scientist. C'mon! Ain't nobody's ever going to think Brendan Fraser is even mentally capable enough to pass SPM. And God that guy just mumbles his lines throughout the whole goddamn show!



But there is this girl in the movie who's acting as some sort of tour guide for Brendan Fraser. Anita Briem, that's her name. She's one fine looking European lady and she almost look like a young version of Judi Dench. Really got nothing much else to say here, just let me look at her pics for awhile.



Daaaamn! I heard she's going to play Jane Seymour in The Tudors. Gheah! Some girl on girl fighting with the Boleyn's, I like it!



But as stupid as this movie is, in was in goddamn 3D and it was pretty impressive. All 3 actors were pretty much juts added props to the special effects in this film and from the get go of the first trailer, they just kept reminding us that this movie is all about the 3D and special effects. And in that area, I thought they rocked it. And because the movie moves so fast with lots of action, I found myself enjoying it somewhat of a bit.



Journey To The Centre of The Earth is one of those stupid blockbusters for kids. And if you do see it, see it in 3D.

RATING: 5/10

(Read Less...)

NicholasC