Turistas

Turistas

I remember watching the previews for this movie but I never gave it a second thought until now. I've heard from several people that this movie was good and I should check it out. It's a Hostel type of movie but some say it's better then Hostel. Turistas is about a group of friends heading to Brazil for a summer get away. While their on the bus going to their destination the stupid bus driver doesn't know that when he drives he needs to pay attention to the road instead of honking at people on motorcycles. He ends up almost crashing into another car so he serves away and the bus lands on the edge of a cliff. Everyone freaks out and starts climbing out of the windows so they wouldn't be stuck inside the bus when it goes crashing down the cliff. After the bus falls down the hill they all go to collect all of their belongings and wait for the next bus to come along which is when they find out that the next bus doesn't come for another 10 hours. One of the girls Bea takes a picture of a little boy and his dad freaks out and starts yelling at her in Portuguese which causes a big fight between him and her friends. Pru who happens to speak Portuguese informs her that they don't like when you take photographs of their children without permission because apparently there's a group going around who kidnaps children and steals their organs. After that little pow wow they decide to take a tour down to the main ocean of the island since they saw two girls walking by them with coconut drinks. They get to this beautiful beach with a lot of people hanging around and having a good time so they all agree to stay there instead of waiting for the new bus to come. (bad idea) Later that night they kick off their vacation attending a local party at the beach and they get drunk and party hard. A random guy named Kiko comes up to Pru and tells her that he's been practicing on his English and he was wondering if he could try it out on her, she of course says yes. I guess her mother never taught her the rule "Don't talk to strangers" He starts out with what is you're name and continues to ask her how many brothers and sisters do you have. If some random , strange guy comes up to you and asks you how many siblings do you have don't tell him just make it up. You have no idea what he's up too and why he wants to know that, besides it's none of his damn business.

They wake up the next morning all hungover and realize that they've been robbed and they were probably drugged. Gee I wonder what gave them that idea, maybe it was the suddenly passing out and getting woken up by the ocean waves and not being able to remember what happened the night before thing. Yeah I think that's it. Kiko tells him that it's not safe for them to be out here so he's going to take them to his uncle Zamora's house where they'll be safe. I say you should ditch Kiko cause he's been nothing but bad luck since the moment you met him and just go wait for the bus to come. I wish people would listen to me, I do know what I'm talking about. They start hiking to Zamora's house and they come across a water fall where everyone decides to jump in and have a little fun. Kiko jumps in after everyone and accidentally hits his head on the rocks which cracks his head open. They pick him up and proceed to his house where they can clean him up and help him. They get to his house and they search for stuff to stop the bleeding and Finn finds a staple gun and staples kikos open wound shut so he would stop bleeding. Later that night Zamora returns to his house with his minions or followers you would call them and begins to yell at Kiko in Portuguese so you have no idea what their yelling about. One of his followers asks them if they were the Americans and they said yes so she said run and their like what? Then she says what you need to do is run. That man over there has some big plans for you. Some pretty fucked up plans. They just stand there staring at her with a confused look on their face. I don't know about you but if someone says they have some pretty fucked up plans in stored for me I wouldn't just stand there scratching my head all confused like I would get the hell out of that house while screaming my head off. He throws them all in cages expect for Amy and Finn, he straps down Amy and injects her with some medicine through a I.V. which makes her incoherent and begins to "operate" on her while Finn is tied up to a bed a few feet away watching while the evil surgeon Zamora is removing her organs.

Alex, Bea, Pru and Liam are caged up trying to figure out a way to escape while Dr. Zamora is telling Amy that in America a person has to wait 7 years for an organ but in Europe it's longer which is why he's taking her organs so he can give them to the children in his hospital. Just to let you know that isn't necessarily true, you see when my nephew was on the donor list he waited 12 days then he got his heart. I'm just saying. Also Why does everyone result to the finders keepers rule??? You think kidnapping someone and drugging them up and taking their organs is finders keepers losers weepers? Well it's losers weepers alright. They all escape and run off while Liam gets shot and dragged away by Zamora and his follower. Kiko takes them back to the water fall so they can swim across the island to get back from where they came. That scene was pretty boring just nothing but them swimming around coming out of the water gasping for air. I know that scene needed to be in the movie but I think they could of cut it down a little cause it was a little too long and boring which made me start to daydream. Kiko gets killed and the Zamora's followers gets killed after which helps them be able to escape and get out of the water and onto dry land. They come face to face with the evil surgeon and Alex begins to fight him since he has so much rage inside of him because of what happened and Zamora's other follower runs up with his gun pointing at them ready to shoot.

Zamora yells at him saying kill them, kill them! And Pru begs him to let them go since they haven't caused any harm towards him and how he doesn't have to be like him cause he treats him like crap. Zamora calls him a coward which sends him over the edge so he kills Zamora and walks away. They run out of the cave and get to the town where they can rest and get their stuff to get on a plane to bring them back to America, The End. I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit which I wasn't sure I was going to. I hear from a lot of people that I should see this movie or see that movie because it's really good but it never comes through for me. I'm usually left feeling disappointed or pissed cause it didn't turn out the way everyone said it should or the trailer was misleading and got my hopes up. I know we all have our different opinions but you would think if a butt load of people said the movie was awesome you would expect the movie TO BE awesome. After watching this movie I don't want to go to Brazil or Europe anymore. The thought of someone kidnapping you and stealing you're organs is creepy and it could happen. Ever heard of that urban legend where you wake up in a tub of ice with one of you're organs missing? Yeah that's it. With my luck if I actually go to any of those places I WILL wake up in a tub of ice with my organs stolen. Yes I know this could happen in America but you don't see any of these types of movies being set in America, now do you? I give this movie 4 1/2 out of 5 Skulls.

"Ah crap, they took my freakin kidney!"

Recommendations: The Amityville Horror, Children of the Corn , My Bloody Valentine

JennyB<br />
http://memoirsofascreamqueen.blogspot.com/

TURISTAS

Xanthomelanous xanthochroid xenophobia.

Do not misunderstand, TURISTAS is far from an x-rated film. That's too bad -- a little more sexploitation among the braless young nubiles and their ectomorphic male companions would have been welcomed. Unfortunately, the exposition by Screamwriter Michael Ross is as flimsy as a dental-floss bikini.



A group of American, English and Australian passported youth form a coalition of the willingly stupid. When they inadvertently stumble into a "snatch zone" for a local doctor who harvests human organs from unwary, unwanted tourists, we go from a Sports Illustrated beach-fest to a grisly jungle operating room where there's a lot more nip than tuck. Yes, one by one the hapless vixens get vivisected and the dorky dudes get dissected. Compared to other recent releases, however, the gore is surprisingly less graphic than Al's powerpoint presentation on global warming. That's too bad -- the premise had promise.

By any American Standard, TURISTAS is the shits...

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Robert A. Nowotny